Panic Attack

Last night I had a full blown panic attack, I think. 

It could have an allergic reaction, but I don't think so. I was given something new to try last night, a vitamin type drink, and I think it made me feel a little funny, which turned into a panic attack because of how stressed out I have been. Isn't it great?! (yes, being totally sarcastic here).

I feel like such an idiot. We were at a friend's house visiting an out of town friend when this all happened. Everyone was so nice and concerned. I let the damn feelings consume me. Well, honestly, I wasn't quite sure how to stop them. So, what did I do? Got all the kids together and we bolted. Quickly. Out the door. I think I said goodbye. 

This kind of behavior of mine runs in the family. My mother used to have all the hospital routes memorized in case she had one. My sister doesn't go to get-togethers like this because of feelings like mine. I have aunts on anti-anxiety meds and I am finding out, cousins too. 

For me, personally, I started having anxiety about 12 years ago. Just after my twins were born. Until the last couple of months I had never had an actual panic attack. 

Not fun.

I wish I could quit my job.

Or maybe drop my hours to 1/4 time. Don't get me wrong, I really like my job. The people I work with are great and I love working with the residents. I am just extremely overwhelmed and I think that it would be the best option. 

Except I can't. We can't afford for me to cut down my hours. I keep reminding myself that it is only 2 and a half more years and then I will be an R.N. That isn't really all that long of a time, but right now it feels like forever. 

I miss spending tons of time with my kids. Right now, I either have to study, do housework (including cooking), or work. Oh, and don't forget the kid's homework time. Between all those things, I would really like a break. 

I am really tired and drained. I have zero energy and I can't stop.

At least spring break is right around the corner. It's in two more weeks, I think. Maybe I can try to take one of the weekends off also. 

Hot Cocoa Mix

I forgot I had this recipe and I have no idea where it came from but it is wonderful. It tastes better than the store bought mixes.

Hot Cocoa Mix

8 Cups Non-fat Instant Dry Milk

2 Pounds Powdered Sugar

3 Cups Cocoa Powder

11 oz. Non Dairy Creamer

2 Large Packages Instant Vanilla Pudding Mix

2 tsp. Salt

Milk all ingredients together well in a big bowl. Have a storage container ready. After mixture is well mixed, grind in small amounts in a blender or coffee grinder until powdery fine. Keep in an airtight container. Can last a year or more (ours has been in the pantry for about 1 1/2 and it still tastes great).

To make Cocoa:

Take about 1 cup hot water and add 3 to 4 heaping Tbsp's of the mix.

Or, take some hot water in a mug and add enough of the mix until it tastes good to you!

Enjoy!

Linked to Grocery Cart Challenge's recipe swap.

Tests...

As you know, I had a bunch of tests a week and a half ago. I got my scores back Friday. 

I got a B on my biology test, Thank God. 

and then I totally screwed up my chemistry test. 

I got a D. 

Monday I will be going into my teacher's office and going over the test with him. Apparently, I missed something very important. I may not have to keep this grade though. At the end of the semester, the teacher throws out the lowest test score and let me tell you, right now, that seems like a pretty great policy. 

My Oldest Child and a lot of Rambling...

C is almost 14 years old. I can't believe it.

I did everything wrong when I was his age. I ended up getting pregnant at 16 and having him at 17. While I have had to finish my growing up with him, I have gotten most of my act together and he is turning out really great.

Next school year he will be a freshman in High School. He currently carries a 3.something-almost a 4.0 GPA (he missed the 4.0 by a B+. Sad, I know. His sisters were sure to tease him endlessly over that one. I helped a little. 

My husband and I strive to give our kids the best education we can manage. When we moved to the Southern Utah area, we were shocked at the education my children got the one year they spent at the local Elementary school. I proceeded to homeschool them for the next two years because of it. When I heard an academically geared Charter School was opening up in the area, I jumped on it. Four of my five children go to the Charter School and we really like it. 

Unfortunately, this is C's last year at the school. He is going to be a ninth grader next year and it only goes through 8th grade. 

Utah has a weird grade system. Having grown up in California, I am used to K-6, then 7-8, finally 9-12. Well, here it is K-5, then 6-7, then 8-9, and finally 10-12. I don't know why they do this, but they do.  So, C will spend one year at the middle school and then move on to the actual high school. 

I was planning to homeschool him next year. I think homeschooling is a great option. Especially for a kid like C who have a hard time adjusting to new things and who will cause total chaos when school starts, but C really wants to go to a school. Fine. 

We have three options for a school. One is another Charter school, which I hear is really good academically but is a 40 minute drive from home. (I have heard some not-so-positive things also. Between the drive and the little stuff I have been hearing, it was easy to say no.) The other two schools are both regular public schools. One is by our house and is apart of our boundaries. The other is having open enrollment and, I hear, a really great school.  

Yesterday, we spent the day going to the two public schools to check them out and get a feel for them. The one by us was dark, gloomy, and 2 out of 3 of the staff that we talked to were slightly rude. Like they didn't have time to talk to us. This was the school that C could take a bus to. The other school was bright, airy, and the staff was extremely friendly and helpful. The school counselor stopped everything she was doing to give us a tour (usually you would have to call ahead) and the Vice Principal walked by with some left over pizza and offered it to the kids. 

Luckily, the school we like the most is about 5 minutes from the Charter School the little ones go to, so it won't be a big strain. It would have been nice to have C take the bus, but the staff of a school makes a really BIG impression. 

I am glad the decision is done and made, but boy, it sure is hard to make these decisions. I mean, this is my kid's future. I gave up in school because of the teachers at the high school I went to. Luckily, I am not afraid to homeschool if there is ever a need and we are fully involved in our kid's education. I refuse to sit by the side and have my kids go to a certain school because my district says so. If that's the case, then they need to make sure the schools are all up to par. 

I Did It!

I passed!

I am now a Certified Nursing Assistant!

WooHoo!!

My Little Sister

She is 4 1/2 years younger than I am and I like her, a lot. I imagine living closer to her so we can hang out. I see her dropping by for a little bit after work once in a while. I see babysitting her kid/kids one day.

We currently live 6 hours, by car, away from each other. It isn't an easy drive.

This last Saturday, she came to visit me. I was whining last week that she had gotten all the talent because my cake balls looked like "Snot Balls" (direct qoute from her) and hers were beautiful.

Here are my snot balls:



Sad, I know. Apparently, you don't ever add wet food coloring to chocolate. It makes it clumpy.

Here are Steph's cake balls:


I swiped this photo from her blog Chocolate and Whine. Shhhh.

She is better at photography too. (Not for long though.)

That's why she came. To help me learn my wonderful, scary, massive camera. A Nikon D80. Now, I know that I have 5 kids and I work and I go to school. But, I my goal is to spend 2 to 3 hours a week learning and practicing my camera. One day I may be good. I mean, really good.

Anyway, Stephanie had some really good tips and some great sites to show me.

1. Quit using my flash. (I forgot to ask what I do when it is dark and I want to take pictures of people. Hmm)
2. Something about Aperture and Shutter speed. (Aperture is how much light you let in. Shutter speed is how long you let that light in for.)-I think.
3. A very neat website with really great lessons on it is Short Courses. Very informative.
4. Quit using my flash.

I am excited to start practicing what she showed me. But first, I must study. I have a test tomorrow that I haven't had time to study for. What can I say, playing with my sister was much more important and fun.

Except she beat my at 12 rounds of Mario Kart, but only cause I let her win.

Homemade Stove Top Mac and Cheese

I just love finding good recipes to replace the stuff I won't buy (mac and cheese in a box). I was watching Good Eats one night, because I have pretty much watched it at least once a week for about 5 years now, probably longer. I really like Alton Brown. I love that he gives the science behind the cooking. I will say that I probably won't buy one of his cookbooks because they sort of read like a textbook.

So, like I said I was watching him one night and the show was on how cheese melts. When he came to the Stove Top Mac and Cheese, I was captivated. I had to try it. I mean, not only was it a great replacement to the box crap, it has NO flour. Needless to say (because I am me), I have made a minor change to the original because, well, I just had to.

Easy Mac and Cheese Recipe

1 pound Elbow Macaroni Noodles

4 Tbsp. Butter

4 Eggs

12 oz. Evaporated Milk

1 tsp. Hot Sauce (like Tabasco Sauce)

2 tsp. Kosher Salt

1 tsp. Ground Mustard

Pepper to taste

20 oz. Grated Cheddar/Monterey Jack Blend (this is where I get lazy and buy it already grated.)

1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil and add in the noodles. Let cook until al dente. You really don't want the noodles to overcook because then they will collapse when you add the ingredients to it.

2. In the meantime, mix all the rest of the ingredients, except the cheese, together in a medium bowl. Mix well.

3. Drain the noodles and melt the butter in the pot.

4. Put the noodles back into the pot and coat them really well with the butter.

5. While stirring the egg mixture, slowly start dumping in some hot noodles into it. Add about 2 cups of the noodles into the egg mixture while stirring.

6. Add the egg mixture into the pot while stirring the noodles in the pot. You don't want the eggs to scramble.

7. While stirring the stuff in the pot, start adding the shredded cheese by the handful.

8. After all the cheese has been added, stir until it has a smooth Mac and Cheese consistency.

I usually double this recipe every other week. I use 2 pounds of noodles. It makes a great side dish to some dinners, etc. It keeps pretty well in the fridge.

This recipe is linked to The Grocery Cart Challenge.

Homemade Crock Pot Yogurt

I got this recipe from A Year of CrockPotting. You should really check out that site, lots of good stuff on there. If you would like to see the original recipe, go here.

I really think this recipe is the coolest one I have. I can't believe I can make yogurt, at home, in my crock pot. You know what else is unbelievable? It's edible. 

As most of you know, plain yogurt can be very sour. So, to fix that, use a sweetener of your choice to sweeten it up and take a lot of the sourness away. 

Some ways we use plain yogurt:

1. Sweeten to taste with honey and add some kind of fruit, ex. mandarin oranges (which is one of my favorites), banana, peaches, strawberries, etc.

2. Sweeten to taste, cinnamon, and vanilla (I wish I had exact measurements for you, but I don't. Just add a little at a time until it tastes just right.)

3. Use in place of sour cream when cooking or baking. Now, I really like the taste of sour cream. I would not use the yogurt as a garnish in place of sour cream. But, the other night I was making creamy chicken enchiladas and the recipe called for sour cream inside the  enchiladas. It was then going to be baked. I ran out of sour cream so I tried the yogurt. I couldn't even tell their was a difference and the yogurt had 1/3 of the calories that the sour cream had. I would do it again. (I will post the enchilada recipe soon.)

4. If any of you have any great uses for yogurt or any favorite ways to eat it, let me know. I love trying new things. 

One more thing. I make a gallon at a time because my family is so big (7 of us). If this seems like to much, cut the recipe in half. 

Homemade Crock Pot Yogurt

1 Gallon Milk (I use 2%)

1 Cup Starter Yogurt (Go buy some plain yogurt at the store and use this. Just make sure that it says LIVE ACTIVE CULTURES or something to that effect on the container. You can also go to a health food store and buy some dried starter. If you do this, you will need 20 grams of the dried stuff.)

(This is the milk before I turned it into yogurt)

1. In your crock pot, pour in your milk, cover, and turn on to low. 

2. Let cook for 2 1/2 hours.

3. Turn off crock pot and let sit for 3 hours. Don't touch it. Don't open the lid. 

4. Open the lid and take out 2 cups of the warm milk.

5. Stir in the Starter, either the yogurt starter or the powder stuff, into the 2 cups of milk.

6. Dump this back into the milk in the crock pot. 

7. Cover.

8. Take 2 or 3 big bath towels and rap them around the crock pot for insulation. 

9. Let sit for about 8 hours. (If you plan it right, you can go to bed while it sits for the 8 hours.)

10. Take out one cup of the yogurt and freeze. (This is the starter for the next batch)

11. Refrigerate and enjoy! 

(I had already started putting it in tupperware before I remembered to take a picture.)

If you want thicker yogurt, because it will be kind of runny: 

1. Line a colander with some cheese cloth. 

2. Let the colander dangle inside a pot and cover. 

3. Refrigerate for a few hours to a day, depending on how thick you like it. When I let it sit for a full day, it ends up thick like sour cream. 

Making yogurt saves me a ton of money. Last week, Costco had milk for $1.84/Gallon. Yogurt this week cost me $1.84/Gallon + the cost of electricity. So, maybe $2.00. It normally costs me almost $3.00 per Quart or $12.00/Gallon of yogurt if I buy it from the store. I save $10.00 every time I make it myself. 

P.S. The next time I make it, I will be adding some unflavored gelatin to it to see if the texture is a bit more store like. I will let you know how it turns out. 

The Worst Lab Partner. Ever.

Ok, maybe not ever, but he was pretty bad. 

Today we got to use a really cool microscope and look at some really neat cells.(these are onion cells.) We get to work in teams so when we need help, we can brainstorm with the partner. Usually, it is a great thing. I have never had a problem with any of my partners in the past. Today was different. My instructor designated this guy, who we will call Slacker, to me. 

I got all the materials together. I looked through all 20 slides by myself. (oh, wait. I GOT Slacker to look at the first three with me and then I said forget it.) Let me tell you, today's lab was HARD. I really could have used the help. We were learning about Mitosis and Meiosis. 

As Slacker was leaving, I said "Why don't you put the microscope away!" I promise, I wasn't nice. I talked to him like I would talk to one of the kids when they are giving me problems. 

After Slacker left, I went to my professor and asked him not to ever give Slacker to me as a partner again. I told him that the guy didn't do squat! Slacker will probably lose points, but you know what? I don't think I really care.